Bunny experiment # 2
Have you ever tried to bring with you a few dozen bunnies on a long journey? I tell you, it’s a nightmare! Even on our short raids on the calamitous apricot territories, we suffer just to bring the bunny-slaves with us! This marvelous experiment was a peachy success, and it might just have solved the problem. With the bunnies preserved in acorns, they will be easy to transport. And when we need a bunny….. just add water!
INGREDIENTS
A superstitious apothecary jar
Clear autumn air
Acorns (the pickling kind)
Cactus pollen
A jittery white bunny
RECIPE
You should find an apothecary jar that is positively empty, preferably empty for years. Young spiritlings tend to like apothecary jars, you see, but only when they contain something, like cookies or forgotten dreams. It is quite easy to force or convince wee spiritlings to go away from your jar but not if you are a Humen. So get an empty apothecary jar Humen friends and avoid later surprises. As everyone knows, you can judge the superstitiousness of the a jar by how it reflects lights, so that should be easy.
Then you must leave the jar to stand for a day or two in the autumn breeze until it’s positively full of air. Keep the surroundings clean and post a guard just in case.
You might think that finding cactus pollen is a problem. You are right. We cheated a bit and asked our bird spies to bring some to us from some far away land. Though you should gather the pollen yourself, since we cheated and the experiment was a glorious success anyway, we suppose you could cheat too and have a bird bring it to you or buy it or something. Anyway....
Pick a bunny that is either hyperactive or full of insecurities and anxiety. There are two reasons: firstly, this is the exact type of bunny that is hard to transport and a is a general nuisance, and secondly, all the shacking and jumping in the apothecary jar will dry it up quicker. Once you have found your "volunteer", dampen it slightly and roll it in the cactus pollen until it's well covered. Put it in the apothecary jar.
Fill the rest of the jar with fresh pickling acorns, close it and let it rest under shade. After 3 weeks, your bunny should have shrunk to half size. If the bunny has developed brown spots, start all over again, preferably with a brown bunny.
TIPS
Don't let other bunnies guard the jar during the pickling process. They may get unruly and plan another rebellion.
If the bunny starts nibbling at the pickling acorns, it's not a problem. This will actually hasten the pickling.
We love you,
The 7 Peachlings
Bunny experiment # 1
Finally this experiment was a glorious success! After lots and lots of tries, we’ve managed to find the exact ingredients for your perfect creeping ivy bunny! Now you can have it too, just follow our instructions:
INGREDIENTS
An earthen cracked and patched pot
Some fertile moist soil hosting a rosy cheeked lady caterpillar
7 handfuls of poison ivy seeds
1/2 a handful of baby fern seeds
A mild tempered white bunny (different colored bunnies may produce different results)
Rainbow water droplets
And many impatient mornings of Sun
RECIPE
Find your pot in someone else's garden, preferably a Gnome garden, and send your servants to get it at night. If anything, the Gnomes are hilarious when they are missing a plant. Replant or eat the plant that was in the pot. Clean the pot well and wash it with rain water to remove any impish infiltrators.
Get soil from a flower garden that has pretty flowers and take a couple of flowers as well to adorn your hair. If you don't have a rosy cheeked lady caterpillar friend, you will have to bribe one with some home made cookies and beetroot juice or alternatively you can get her drunk on fermented apples and then trick her into signing a contract while drunk.
Pick a bunny. Not any bunny will do though. A calm and subservient bunny is best, with a sort of planty or leafy disposition. Tell it that you will love it more as a plant. Stuff the bunny in the pot (ATTENTION: feet first, we won't make the same mistake again). Fill the rest of the pot with the soil you collected.
We have received information that you can BUY seeds in the Humen City!!! This is absolutely out of the question!!!!! You need to gather the seeds yourself! or have your servants do it. Nice fresh seeds, picked from the plants not gathered from the ground. Plant only the baby fern seeds at first and then sprinkle 1 handful of poison ivy seeds per day over the bunny.
Water 7 times a day for 7 days with Rainbow water droplets gathered from your nearest Rainbow's end. Once per day for the first 7 days sprinkle 1 handful of poison ivy seeds over the bunny. You should start to see little sprouts of green after the 3rd or 4th day, starting from the bunny's belly and sometimes ears. By the end of the critical first week the bunny should have rooted well and strongly.
Note that our bunny above had been growing for almost a month and so had been thoroughly greenified at the time the portrait was painted. Don't be discouraged by initial failures and be patient!
TIPS
If the rosy cheeked lady caterpillar is out of town, you can substitute her with a rosy butt-cheeked monkeyspider.
Mellow music can help the bunny grow stronger.
Remind your bunny not to act like a plant, but be one with its plantness.
After the bunny is thoroughly rooted, don't forget to water every day with fresh water, but don't feed it carrots that's cannibalism!!!!
We love you,
The 7 Peachlings
This mischievous rapscallion and his Humen lord are at fault. But what to expect from a pitiful and despicable rabbit charlatan that has lived for years among the Humen, in the Humen City, as a mere servant of a vile and malevolent Humen lord. Beware of his ungodly charms and cunning, able to magnetize even the most stony minds (Humen and Forest beings alike)! Don’t be fooled by his always perfect Humen sense of fashion!
He is wanted for crimes against the Black Forest including but not limited to : kidnapping of a supreme being, gross trespassing on sacred territory, violence against plants, illegal pruning, disregard of the Black Forest dress code, ridiculous Humen behavior, faking shortsightedness, unlawful seduction of plants and animals, unlawful Human odor, spying and being annoying.
But this little, arrogant furball has commited his last crime! He is marked as the worst traitor the Forest has ever produced and he will find an angry animal and plant everywhere he goes. Except for the Humen City, of course, because you Humen have eaten all the plants and animals there. But that is why we are asking for your help Humen appetiteous friends!! You can be our eyes and ears and noses and tongues and fingertips in your Humen City, in all those places that our bird spies cannot reach. Save the Peachgrove!!! Also, could you stop cutting our trees please?
Now pay attention Humen: never approach this little charlatan, he’ll always know that you are following him, as a sly spy that he is! Contact us immediately if you see him! He and his master are both at fault and they’ll be judged by our Supreme Black Forest Judge for kidnapping our graceful Lady of the Peachgrove.
We love you,
The 7 Peachlings
Everything was in relevant order and occasional peace as we exactly like it before they took Her from us and our Peachgrove. That awful and inauspicious watery summery evening, something smelled funny in the air. We were cautious, but we were expecting nothing more than a usual attack from our eternal enemies, the calamitous apricots, or a silly and predictable uprising from our bunnies in capture. We were tragically wrong.The ugly Humen lord and his little rabbit charlatan dressed both in silly stinking Humen clothes came from the sky in a big balloon and took away our beloved Lady of the Peachgrove. We followed the big, magically flying balloon but soon and to our terror it passed the edge of our Peachgrove and later of the Black Forest and flew towards the Humen City, so we could follow no more.......We don't know which spirit people he had on his side or what malevolent scullywagery was underfoot, but we have to admit that the smelly Humen lord was well prepared and very lucky!
Great investigations and lengthy interrogations are underway in The Wise Black Forest, and we will find who was responsible for this mortal mistake that has cost us so much. Even the uncooperative, secluded and nymphomaniac spiders have spoken and told us about everything that their webs caught and heard!! In other words, EVERY living Forest Soul, Nymphish, sprite-ish, elf-ish, fay-ish, hob-ish, brownie-ish, flying, swimming, glowing, with legs, beaks, tails, wings or many heads or any other contraption that Auntie Nature has conceived after a lot of alcoholic berry juice abuse to jokingly put upon them will cooperate!!
We unanimously decided to build a balloon of our own out of leaves and bunny hair but the wisest of the trees in the Black Forest advised us not to try to replicate Humen "tek-nolo-jee". All of the Old Trees agreed it would spell disaster. We really cannot see what worse could happen, but we listen to the trees and respect their advice. Especially when they hold us forcefully and forbid us to build our balloon.......
Anyway, the choice has been made, and we will be leaving very soon on our Great Mission by other means. One of us is really scared of heights anyway. With your help Humen friends, we will succeed.
We love you,The 7 Peachlings
Have you seen this kind and beautiful Lady?
If you see Her, please contact us immediately!!
She is our beautiful Lady of the Peachgrove. She has peachy hair and autumn leafy eyes. Her beauty made an ugly shadowy Humen lord and his little rabbit charlatan to kidnap her from our Peachgrove that awful watery summery evening.
No longer will Her kind eyes make the flowers bloom and the clouds rain. So much is She missed that the poison ivy has stopped climbing and the clovers have stopped producing fourth leaves. The whole Wise Black Forest is in a state of mourning.
Why didn't she listen to us, ages ago, when we proposed unanimously to extermin...... *cough*...*cough*... we mean displace all of you Humen, to a new land far far away from our Black Forest. Yes, displace, that's it. We should note this down.... Well, anyway, She protected you from "displacement", as She loves every living thing. Including the smelly ones. And now one of you, Humen, has stolen Her from us. But do not worry, we don't hate you. We love you. So help us in finding Her. Or we will hate you.
We love you,
The 7 Peachlings
Attention Humen! The Peachgrove needs you!!!!!!!
The Peachgrove has seen many hard times over the ages. What with the calamitous apricots wishing our doom and all the other even darker entities constantly vying for our beautiful Black Forest, there is not one season that is free from incursions and attempted takeovers. We like it like that.
But never, NEVER, was there such a treacherous crime committed on our sacred grounds!
Our precious and dear Lady of the Peachgrove has been kidnapped by a shadowy evil Humen lord.
We know he has taken Her to the Humen City, but where exactly is a mystery to us. We will not let a smelly Humen get away with such a despicable crime. Our beautiful Lady belongs in the Peachgrove, not in some dusty Humen house.
But it will not be easy and we will need Humen allies. However, every day brings us one step closer to our glorious deliverance because you are going to help us Humen friends.
We will continue to recount our story as it progresses in this "blog" (ha ha ha, what a funny Humen word), as many of our new Humen friends have suggested.
We love you,
The 7 Peachlings
